tekib küsimus, et kas enne ei olnud?
teistmoodi oli.
ma ei tea, mis see oli.
praegu juhtub järsku lainetena selliseid asju, mis ei lase mu enesehinnangul enam sinna kukkuda, kus ta on harjunud olema. kus ta muigab oma abitult mugavas melanhoolias, kus ta võtab ohvrirolli, kus ta tunneb turvalises seltskonnas järsku häbi, süüd, lihtsalt lõputut piinlikkust iseenda pärast; kus ta murdub, nutab taga, ei lepi, siis jälle peidab end, kleebib ja vooderdab maskidega. aga. kui tundub, et päev päeva järel hakkab jälle perse minema, siis miski püüab jälle kinni. sumpan ja tantsin kordamööda. lihtsalt on hea ja tänulik olla. ja see on nii harjumatu.
käisin oma südamekooriga Tallinnas võistulaulmisel. panime kinni.
veetsin aega inimesega, kes leiab minus mingit väärtust.
ja võib-olla polegi rohkem vaja.
ma lihtsalt olen nii liigutatud sellest, et mul on raske uskuda oma elu. et ma olen siin. (ikka veel olen!) omamas mingit funktsiooni. toetamas kedagi ja midagi. võtmas (jälle rohkem) ruumi, saamas järjest rohkem aru, et minus on tegelikult mingit jõudu.
samuti aru saamas, kui vähe ma tegelikult jagan ja kui palju ma tuge vajan. (ja see on okei)
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| pilt pojengidest. see lill on tugev sümbol lapsepõlvest. tahaks sinna tagasi veits. pabernööriga pojenge üles siduma. |
"Why is letting go of trauma or bad experiences so difficult?
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Because sometimes that shit has become lodged and hardwired into us. It affects our psychology and brain so much we are reprogrammed after it happens.
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To what? What are we reprogrammed to? A new identity. We become sensitive in different ways, we live differently, our entirety is manifested into a new person.
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So telling someone to “let go” of something isn’t as straightforward as it seems. To let go of that event means to not exist in some terms. To “let go” means “be someone different please.”"
Instead of telling people to “let go” why don’t we ASK people to “let us in,” let’s remind those who have gone through life altering events that they are not the event itself, they are not just their past and that they are a really great human being for living their life and owning their story.
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And to you, the reader, if you are this person who has gone through something fucked up please know that your identity, WHO YOU ARE, does not rely solely on your past experiences. You are so much more than what you went through, you are always stronger than you think and you have a story that can change someone’s life.
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And to you, the reader, if you are this person who has gone through something fucked up please know that your identity, WHO YOU ARE, does not rely solely on your past experiences. You are so much more than what you went through, you are always stronger than you think and you have a story that can change someone’s life.
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